Pork Roll Fit for a God

The Christmas cactus mise-en-scene heightens the holiday anticipation, no?

If Greek Gods took roadtrips home for the holidays, they'd get a single whif of their Hellenic mothers' ambrosia from the turnpike and be right again. Food of the gods.

If native New Jerseyians took connecting flights in Memphis to Little Rock for the holidays, they'd lug pork roll in their packs and make right again. Food of the Garden State.

Pork roll - or Taylor ham as its known in some Jersey pockets - holds its place in our family as a deified delight. What makes it especially yen-yielding is its general unavailabilty. You want pork roll? You gotta go to Jersey. In parts farther north than New York, pork-parts products morph into Candadian bacon.

We used to drive to Acadia National Park in Maine as kids every summer, and we would stop on the way out of the stunning park at a local diner. My parents would ask us about the lush landscape, climbing expeditions and boating excursions looking for post-vacation recap confirmation. All four of us kids could only say with ungrateful disgust, "How can a diner not have pork roll sandwiches? Canadian bacon doesn't cut it." The only question we wanted to hear was, "Ketchup, salt and pepper, anyone?"

A food "developed" by John Taylor in Trenton, New Jersey in the 1850s, this is not just your stock pork "heat 'n' eat" dish. It has heart. No, not a heart, although you know the "don't ask, don't tell" policy about processed pork. But this is Jersey diner food through and through - the underdog with a bad wrap and a regular Joe appeal that no one can resist.

Slice a thick circular piece, score it with three distinct marks half-way through the diameter at about points twelve, four and eight o'clock, and pan fry the dickens out of it until the fat carmelizes the edges and makes them crispy and blackened almost purple. Then get firm, crusty kaiser rolls from the Hungarian bakery and place your fat-dripping portion into the welcoming absorbency of your roll's fluffy peaks. Douse in ketchup, indulge in only a little salt if you want to keep your daily intake in a single bite below 30 something percent and sprinkle with pepper.

Want some? You can order it from The Pork Roll Xpress. That's right. Just hop on. Don't ask questions.

This is a holiday stocking stuffer that's going to make its vacuum-packed self to the holidays with family in my purse. This cargo's too precious to check. We'll eat it with eggs, kaiser rolls, fruit and potatoes. I'm going to teach my kids how to enjoy it for the first time in extreme moderation. Ingredients? Pork, of course, however nebulous that may be. Some salt, sugar, lactic acid starter culture, sodium nitrite and nitrate. Hmmm. One piece. One piece.

Oh the fate of a summer cuke at Christmastime ... what next for our fair veg?

Nugget o' the Moment:
"I wonder what Cuke wants for Christmas?" says Patrick.
"What?" I say.
"Cuke? What does he want for Christmas?"
"Holy ... that thing is still here?" I ask.
"Of course. He sleeps on my desk," he says placing Cuke on the couch.

Our harvested cucumber is some sacred talisman preserved from the summer garden. No rot and still the same Sharpie face we originally drew.
"He's happy here. We grew a pet, Mom."
We sure did. And maybe he likes pork roll ...