Day 9: Cult of Perfection

There's a perfection in processed food. It's not necesarily in the taste or nutritional value, but in the pain-staking uniformity of every single tubular Twinkie, smiling goldfish cracker or crown-shaped Burger King chicken tender. There's rarely a mutant morsel of a goldfish with an oversized head and sinister stare or a Twinkie with a less-than-spongy shell. Everything is always exactly the same. And in this culture of perfection that affords the "taste."

And that's what my kids just love about it. Homemade cooking leaves too much room for error and diversity. Bread dough can fall victim to humidity, over-kneading and countless other kitchen mishaps. It never tastes the same. If the Pillsbury web site is right and "nothing brings the family together like the aroma of sweet rolls baking," then nothing sends them running like the imperfect roll of an uneven, ever-so-slightly dry homemade cinnamon roll with added wheat flour and "too-nutty" centers.

Argh. After a request for cinnamon rolls for breakfast, I decided I could make a healthier breakfast alternative. I doctored a James Beard recipe and used whole wheat flour, added nuts and reduced the sugar. The kids were excited by the prospect, but the visual inconsistency of the rolls themselves sent them second-guessing. Some were too plump. Others had too little cinnamon in them. And there was a whole section of the tray that had sugar bottoms too sticky to touch. Aidan said, "The Pillsbury ones are good because they don't get your hands as dirty." Patrick was upset because his coiled little bun came undone. And how could I possibly have made these without icing?

There was no tolerance for imperfection this morning. I Googled "processed food and consistency" later in the day and this brilliant link to the US Patent site came up. It was titled, "Processed food and a method for making a processed food product for mass distribution." It's an invention designed to ensure food with layers - like burritos or burgers - "has uniform consistency throughout the assembly, has a uniform outer appearance, and is portable and suitable for consumption as a finger food, with a minimum likelihood of spillage. The product is pleasing to the eye, as well." In the description it also says:

"Often the loosely packed ingredients will fall out of the outer shell when the food is picked up, especially after the product has been partially eaten. This is particularly true of products intended to be consumed by young children. This causes both waste of the food product and an undesirable sanitation problem. It is common for such product to be eaten in personal cars while traveling, both by the driver and by the passengers. When such foods have a tendency to fall apart when held and eaten this can create a safety hazard as the driver's attention is diverted from the highway to the food in his hand. There are reports of numerous accidents caused by attempts to manage food while eating and driving." More ...

I guess this is why the processed cinnamon roll doesn't come undone in your kids' hands and there are very few crumbs from the roll of a fast-food burger all over your lap when you're driving? Aidan rejected homemade sandwich bread at school last week because it "made too much of a mess." We had an undesirable sanitation problem and a waste of the food product. He tossed it.

But for dinner I made the best chili suggested by a friend with added pumpkin puree in it. I made homemade James Beard corn muffins, and when Aidan saw the batter, he asked, "Are these homemade, too?" I almost lied, but went with the truth. They were a little dense, but both kids ate two each and two servings of the chili. The floor was a mess from the food product, but I was happy.

Menu:
Breakfast: Homemade cinnamon rolls, pink grapefruits and OJ with fish oil.

Lunch: Pita pizzas, carrots, strawberries, almonds and milk. Aidan had PB on bakery bread, grapes, nuts, potato chips and apple juice.

Dinner: Pumpkin chili with pinto and white beans, ground beef and lots of cumin, corn muffins and milk.

Nugget o' the Day: "On no. These don't look right." - Aidan at the site of the homemade cinnamon rolls.